Monday, October 10, 2016

Faith and a Gray Cat

She was just supposed to go in for a checkup and blood draw before she got a dental done. No big deal, routine for a 14-year-old cat (that's an old fogie cat FYI).

She was little, but she is a runt, she's always been little. Only when she was rather fat was she more than 8 pounds. 6-7 was a good weight for her.

My little babe
I sat in the waiting room, my fur baby in her carrier beside me, giving me her signature stink eye glare. She'd ignore me the rest of the day when we got home, but I was just over the flu, and gave more thought to how much longer we'd be waiting than what mood my cat would be in when we got back home.

When we were called back and the tech weighed her, she was a little light. Closer to 5 pounds than 6. But she was old, and cats tend to lean out when they get old.

The vet was a little concerned, but thought it might be a thyroid issue. They drew blood, and sent me on my way after scheduling MeMe's dental.

The blood work showed high liver enzymes. The vet thought it better to wait, to get MeMe's liver issue fixed before we proceeded with the dental. They gave me a box of medicine, and hope that this issue would be resolved in a month.

That appointment was January 15.

My fur baby still has not been cleared for the dental.

My little cat has been on round after round of the liver medication, has been back for weight checks at least monthly, and is on steroids to help her eat.

She has had days where she gobbles up whatever I put in front of her, and days where even eating her favorite food is too much for her stomach.

She went from being the bully* of my other cats to being easily pushed out of the way by them at dinnertime. I feed her by herself, but she struggles to eat when I'm not around.**

Now her teeth bother her, she needs a dental, but the vet isn't sure she's healthy enough to have it.

And it tears me up inside.

I can't possibly imagine the pain parents go through watching their sick child struggle to get well. But this is the closest I can come. Call me a crazy cat lady, but my little girl is the closest thing I can imagine to having a child. And it hurts like crazy, watching her struggle, seeing her start to get better, and then slip backwards.

And sometimes, it's hard to believe God hears my pleas, that He sees this little gray cat, and that His heart breaks even more than mine does over her, over the pain I'm going through watching her suffer.

But He does.

Why then hasn't He healed her? Why hasn't He taken her, so she (and I) don't have to go through this any more? Will I have to make that choice, when the vet says there's no more hope?

I don't know.

My only answer is that He must be teaching me about faith.

Faith is defined as being "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Right now, I can't see what on earth good it is for my little gray fur baby to suffer. I don't understand, and if I'm completely honest, part of me is too busy throwing a little hissy fit to care about understanding. But faith is believing anyway, even though we have no shred of proof beyond what God has promised in the Bible.

Faith is believing that He knows about my pain, and that He won't leave me to bear it alone.

Faith is trusting that He's working this out for my good, even though I can't see it right now.

So when you hear the devilish whispers, telling you that God doesn't care, that He's left you to sink or swim on your own, have them "talk to the hand." Dare to believe that God, Who was mighty enough to create the world, Who loved you enough to die on a cross, is also faithful enough to keep His promises. We can't see it now. We might never see it on earth. But you can bet your paychecks for life that He will keep each and every one of them.

I pray that, whatever you're going through, that God would remind you that He is faithful. That He would help you have faith in Him. And I ask that you pray for me, that I would remember that as well.

How has God been teaching you about faith?

*All the other cats had at least a pound on her when she weighed 7, now most of them have 2 or more.
**She could be locked in a room all day by herself with food, but she doesn't eat well unless I personally sit with her and feed her. Yes, she probably is spoiled (I can almost guarantee it).

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